Empty: My Depression Experience

Heyy there! I'm glad you're here and I hope you had a fantastic week/weekend. Get ready for an awesome week!!!💃💃💃. I wrote in my first post "The W-H-Y" (if you haven't read it, go, check it out,be blessed and thank me later😎) that this blog would hold posts on material of inspiration (from the Holy Spirit) as well as experience (only mine for now👀) and so we have come to one of my memoirs.

Have you ever felt so empty? Like your life had no meaning and your death would be more impacting than your life could ever be? If so my friend then you are in good company. Maybe you even feel or think that way right now. Before you do anything rash, finish reading this as it holds my recent  depression experience and how God rescued me.

Where it all began I have no clue but as far as I can trace perhaps the last Friday in September (the Friday before last). I attended a vigil and then the following day (Saturday) still very tired headed to church for what would be the most stressful choir practice of my life so far which led to preparations for the most exciting and STRESSFUL Sunday of my life (chaii I was tired ehn). To be honest, it was God that drove me home on Sunday after service because I was TIRED.

After round one or so of sleep, I felt strange and I discounted it as one of those feelings when you're drained. After several rounds of sleep, I woke the next morning Monday October 2 and I still felt funny. This feeling lingered throughout the day. I had no interest in doing anything (lazy day or so I thought🤔). I was just downright depressed really. The feelings are hard to convey in words. Only those who have experienced it can relate somewhat. I felt like crying(and I eventually did😔).

The whole thing was not making sense to me because I had no reason to be sad. Nothing had changed for the worse in recent time so I had no reason to be sad. I question to this day the foundation for that experience but even while I asked myself why I felt that way and admitted that I had no reason to, I felt worse.

I can almost hear you say "you should pray when you feel like that" or "play fast music to lift you up" or "sleep it off". My dear, I tried every one and even combinations of the options to no avail. Playing worship music lifted my spirit somewhat but only temporarily.

Prayer was out of it because believe it or not in moments like that, you can't even pray, your heart is so heavy and there are no words. I even at a time questioned my faith. I asked myself if God was real (old habits die hard I guess👀).

I kept playing "Christ is Enough for Me" by Hillsong which I love to play over and over. Usually I was in a good mood when I did that and so singing "...Christ is enough for me, everything I need is in You..." was easy.  This time I found it hard;I struggled to mean those words. I even broke down in tears and I'm not even a crier(😩).

To shorten the story, I was messed up, I felt worthless and the devil asked me how many people I thought would cry for me when I was gone and even asked me to end my life and confirm that. I was contemplating it honestly but thank God there was no way at the time😂.

Just a week before, I celebrated my birthday and all the messages and everything just made me realise that I was actually important(I say this with humility🙏😇). The show of love had me convinced that I wasn't worthless or inconsequential. I felt so good. It was a new level of "feel good" for me so imagine my surprise when just a week later, I was down in the valley of despair😟.

In short I had no reason to feel bad but I did and it opened my eyes to see how helpless we can be sometimes and how in need of reassuring love we can be. I also now can understand how depression works (even if only a little🤔). Abba was always there even though I couldn't feel His presence 😭.

There's more to the story but I think I've covered the major points. Now "Bros how did you survive?" "How did you regain your joy and strength?"

Well like I said I tried prayer, playing worship songs and just telling myself that I shouldn't feel that way. All these did not work or at least did not work for long. To buttress the point I'm about to make, let me direct you to a Bible story featuring David.

David was greatly distressed because the men were talking of stoning him; each one was bitter in spirit because of his sons and daughters. But David found strength in the Lord his God.
1 Samuel 30:6 NIV

As children of God we have low moments not unlike David's but it's important that we encourage ourselves in the Lord to gain strength for ourselves (not for God).

How did I do it? I sang songs of Worship to God even though I didn't feel like it and before I knew it, I was uplifted in an unexplainable fashion. Playing worship music is good but nothing beats singing from your own heart with your own mouth. As you lift Him up, He lifts you up all round, always!.

So there it is, a "brief" account of my depression experience and how I was able to overcome. When you feel down and especially then, lift Him up nonetheless and watch what happens. You're not worthless, you're priceless.

Dear Daddy,

Hope You're doing great (of course You are). Thank you for all the times that You've reminded us of Your love and for keeping us🤗. We thank you for You're there even when we can't feel you. Thank you because Your joy is our strength. Fill us with that Joy and teach us to live by what we know is Truth(Your word) and not how we feel. Help us to live purposeful lives and please you each and every day. Thanks in anticipation

Yours sincerely in Jesus' name,
Your children

Thanks for reading! Enjoy your week!😆. Don't forget to comment and share if you've been blessed or know that someone else could be. God bless you 😊🤗